RDNDNT: The Day of The Cull

Today being the last day of the 2010/11 financial year, this will be the last day in service of all the unfortunate wretches in the public sector whose jobs have vanished as a result of the coalition Government's financial policy, aimed at reducing the 'structural deficit'. Losing these jobs gives  savings for the 2011/12 financial year, notwithstanding that many of the poor sods will have to sign on and start claiming benfits of one kind or another. Unless, of course, the Chancellor's 'Budget for Growth' produces some quick results and they can get new jobs in the private sector. You never know; stranger things have happened at sea.

El Presidente has the privilege of being employed by our local authority and sufficient luck to protect her from the first wave of cuts; the funding for her job is in place for at least 2011/12, but who knows thereafter. The unit in which El Prez works provides 'non-statutory' services so they've been first in the firing line and 16 out of 39 staff are being shown the door today. Technically, they are all taking 'voluntary redundancy' but actually the choice is volunteer or be fired anyway.

It will be a somewhat bizarre occasion. We are all used to people leaving or retiring and having a farewell 'do' of some sort with an embarassing speech by the boss. But I wonder how the boss is going to handle saying farewell to 16 people all at once? If he gives each a little speech, it will take upwards of an hour so maybe it will require a more imaginitive approach. But in any case, El Prez has baked some cakes to take along so it won't be totally glum.

Oh! What A Lovely War!

So. Here we go again. A no-fly zone which is in no way intended to bring about regime change and ensure future oil supplies are maintained, but is aimed purely at 'protecting civilians'. Hmmm.

The UK is employing Tornado GR4 aircraft, manufactured by BAE Systems, for its air strikes in Libya. It is difficult to obtain precise details of how much each of these airplanes cost, given the problems in attributing historical development costs and the natural tendency towards secrecy amongst The Powers That Be. But in 1979, James Wellbeloved, the Parliamentary Under-Secretary of State advised that the Tornado 'air defence variant' unit production cost was  £10.7 million (Hansard HC Deb 21 February 1979 vol 963 c185W). Adjusting for inflation using the RPI gives a comparable figure for 2010 of £41 million. The Ministry of Defence calculate the cost per flying hour for the Tornado is £35,000 (Hansard HL Written Answers 25 November 2010HL 3481,3482). So that's a pretty penny or two we've spent in sending aircraft to Libya from the UK, even before we count the cost of the munitions and training the air crew. I accept, of course, that these aircraft are not used solely for bombing Libya but to bomb other places too, so the costs should be seen in a broader bombing context.
The UK has also been firing Tomahawk Cruise Missiles, manufactured by the Raytheon Company at their Tucson, Arizona facility, from its submarines. According to the US Navy, the cost to them for these little beauties is $569,000 but I would guess that excludes development costs which would take it up to $1 million or more. I have not been able to find out how much the USA charges the UK for each missile, however. And who knows how much it costs to keep the submarines going?
Tomahawk missiles are snazzy; you simply input some GPS coordinates into its computer and off it goes. But let's hope its Sat Nav system is better than most and avoids low bridges. Moreover, you can reprogram the missile in-flight, and it can report back via an on-board camera on target conditions. One thing worries me though; it uses Windows software, which gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'Blue Screen of Death'.

Libya has been ruled by the Romans, the Venetians, the Ottoman Turks, the Italians, the British and the French. Meanwhile, they've fought amongst themselves and for many years were famous for making a living as The Barbary Pirates. The USA launched a war against them in the 19th Century. Modern Libya was established by the Italian colonists and, after World War II the Brits and the French established a Kingdom which Gaddafi rebelled against as a 27 year-old. Ethnically, they are Arabs, Berbers, Touaregs, and Tebou consisting of some 140 tribes and/or clans most of whom are Sunni Moslems of one sort or another. Gaddafi is a Berber from the Qaddadfa tribe, apparently. But it seems Libya has never been what one might call a democracy, or even that the concept means much to yer average Touareg. But the UK has either been selling them arms or buying their oil, or both, intermittently since 1943.

So there you have it. All that money and all that technology to protect one lot of Libyan tribesmen from another.

...ho hum

Who's That Up There With Todd?

As you know, it is our policy at Xorg Inter-Galactic to remind everyone periodically of the existence of Todd Rundgren.  He is pictured here in 1974 helping out a struggling English blues guitarist who over-reached himself during a concert in Madison Square Gardens and began to run out of frets.

I Don't Want To Worry You But...

You know about the major earthquake in Japan and so forth, but if you go here you can follow the progress of various disasters that are happening in assorted locations around the Earth. It seems that earthquakes are happening all over the place: the West Coast of the USA, Alaska, New Zealeand, Greece and the Balkans, Portugal, Kazakhstan etc etc. The symbol with the white squiggly lines means earthquake. That seems like a lot of tremors in one day...

The site is run by some Hungarians: the 'National Association of Radio Distress-Signalling and Infocommunications', abbreviated to RSOE. Not only do they monitor earthquakes but they also note other mishaps such as volcano eruptions, hazchem alerts, technological disasters and floods etc. Apparently, a bunch of teenagers in Minnesota are hospitalised as a result of a hazchem disaster after imbibing some chemicals bought over the internet, and there's been a bee swarm or two elsewhere. A tropical depression looms off Madagascar.

Not much happening in Scandanavia.

Harry and Carlo Sherlock

Footballers and their managers are reknowned for their insightful and erudite comments  about the game, the administrative authorities and the relative merits or otherwise of individual players, managers and referees.  Occasionally they will muse upon the meaning of life and things in general, and some have been known to probe deep philosophical and sociological issues. A minority might even go on to make a living out of joining two or more sentences together into a coherent whole, without assistance. But we doff our caps today to a couple of sparkling geniuses who have not only  contributed much to the mangling of language but who have also revealed a rare ability to state the bleeding obvious in order to keep us up to date with the intricacies of a knockout tournament.

Harry Redknapp (blessings be upon him) tells us that "We're in the last eight and we're looking forward to the next round. You can't pick who you draw - we were in the toughest group but we won that." And Carlo 'The Eyebrows' Ancelotti affirms that "The draw will decide which team we have to play."
There you have it. The teams left in the contest are drawn randomly against one another and have no choice in their opponents!

Well Done, My Footballing Sherlocks!

[prompted by Annegrump]

26th March March

The Trades Union Congress (TUC) is organising a protest on 26 March in London against the Coalition Government's programme of spending cuts, and in favour of alternative approaches to rectifying the so-called structural deficit. (See box in the top right-hand corner.)

The essential elements of the TUC's alternatives are:

• a crackdown on tax avoidance
• a Robin Hood tax on banks and finance
• policies and time to let economic growth and full employment raise the tax that will close the deficit

You can read a .pdf setting out the TUC's case more fully here.

Seeing as Mervyn King (ohnot'imagain!) agrees  that the public sector is not the underlying cause of the financial crisis, and that it is unfair that those who did not cause it have to pay for it, perhaps we will see him on the 26 March march. What would be extra interesting is to see how the Police respond to the protest now that they too are being told they've got to pay for it through reductions in pay and allowances. Perhaps they'll join the march rather than enkettleify it.

Well Done, Sherlock! - Mervyn Strikes Again

The estimable Mervyn King has established a record in the Xorgosphere. Within three days of being awarded the Well Done, Sherlock! award, Mervyn did it again and made a further statement of the bleeding obvious that the rest of us had twigged several centuries ago! Apparently, Mervyn has just noticed that banks tend to 'exploit gullible or unsuspecting customers'.  Moreover, Mervyn has spotted that banks take a short term view and merely want to maximise profits.  And  they meanwhile carry on paying themselves big bonuses regardless of the the problems they have caused because they know they are too big to fail and will be bailed out by the state. A staggering insight, Mervyn.

You have to laugh...

British Pie Week

This is basically a marketing activity  by Jus-Rol, the manufacturers of ready-made pastry, but this week is British Pie Week.  Marketing ploy or not, we here at Xorg Inter-Galactic like pies and  wish to encourage everyone to indulge themselves and make and eat more pies.  I realise this may  raise a quandary for people of a traditional fundamentalist Christian bent as today is the first day of Lent and you're supposed to be fasting and self-sacrificing and so forth. But there you go, you pays yer money and you takes yer choice.

Some people might be put off the idea of making pies because they suffer from pastry-anxiety. Well, there's no need to - you can buy pastry ready-made. You don't have to use Jus-Rol pastry, other brands are available.

Well Done, Sherlock!

Some people catch on quick, others take a little while. I know I'm not exactly Mr Dynamo when it comes to speed of thought but I (and many others) had this one figured out some time ago:

Whilst being questioned by the House of Commons Treasury Committee yesterday, Mervyn King, the Governor of The Bank of England, said that people made unemployed, and businesses bankrupted, during the [financial] crisis had every reason to be resentful and voice their protest. He told the Treasury select committee that the billions spent bailing out the banks and the need for public spending cuts were the fault of the financial services sector.

"The price of this financial crisis is being borne by people who absolutely did not cause it," he said. "Now is the period when the cost is being paid, I'm surprised that the degree of public anger has not been greater than it has."

As reported in The Guardian, King has repeatedly pointed the finger at the City since the crisis erupted in 2007, but this was the first time he blamed bankers for the coalition's spending cuts.  Flash Mervyn thus gets the Well Done, Sherlock award for pointing out the bleeding obvious. 

So, it wasn't the previous Government, or public sector pensions, or benefit scroungers after all.  Wouldn't it  be nice if The Treasury Committee were to act on this and suggest to the Government that perhaps the financial sector should be paying more taxes to make good the public spending cuts rather than paying themselves ridiculous bonuses?

Meanwhile we shall award Mervyn the inaugural special sub-category for distinctive achievement entitled What Took You So Long?

Cheer Up, Mate! Could Be Worse!

Yer What?

Trenell R. Mance, Paula R. Ferdkoff, Nocturna Z. Geiter, Kelly R. Dombrowski, Edmund Grzeszkiewicz, Darlene Yarber, Ariel A. Utterback, Kyjuanzi Harris, Laconda McDonald, Tyrelle Lockett, Tyreesha Fraley, Sopheap Som, Wydell Feazell, Ashley M. Blumenshine.

What do all these people have in common? Besides having names that seem to have been  arrived at by the semi-random shuffling of Scrabble tiles? They all feature in the Chicago Tribune's  'Mugs In The News' gallery as recently arrested suspected felons and miscreants.

Note: Arrest does not imply guilt, and criminal charges are merely accusations. A defendant is presumed innocent unless proven guilty and convicted. Apart from having a made-up name, that is. My favourites  are Ashley M. Blumenshine and Ariel A. Utterback who sound like characters invented by W C Fields.  I have no advice on whether Sopheap is pronounced Soffeep or otherwise. Pictured is Darlene Yarber, who is accused of 'Impersonating a lawyer'. Impersonating a human, more like.

Disclaimer: Other ne'er-do-wells with routine names are also available.

Sorry Girls, He's Already Spoken For...

Pierre Breaks the Ice at Parties

[The banjo preamble:]
"Featuring Eric Clapton on ukulele banjo"...
http://www.bonhams.com/usa/auction/19226/lot/20/
Regards,
El Bonzo McBonzo.
That's all fine and dandy but what would I do with it apart from cornering the conversation at parties by exclaiming, "I've got Eric Clapton's banjo!"? 

Yours, as ever,

Balalaika Jim.

x x.

Pierre Breaks the Ice at Parties
- A poem by Frinton McFrinton Jnr
Some do it by wearing a bandeau
Others by cooking a flambeau.
You might dance the famous merango
Or discuss dismantling a quango.
But for Pierre these approaches are so-so
Because he's got Eric Clapton's old banjo.

copyright 2011 Frintonesque Productions (SA)

Madam Butterfly

Members of the Xorg Collective and invited guests were out and about yesterday for a works outing to The Royal Albert Hall for a performance of Puccini's opera Madam Butterfly; trip arranged by our eminent social secretary Fabmary. Most of us are pretty much unfamiliar with the piece and opera generally so it was a novel experience all round what with one thing and another.

The plot is fairly straightforward, concerning the duplicitous and exploitative nature of the male lead, American naval officer Lieutenant Pinkerton, who marries and abandons the fifteen-year old Japanese Madam Butterfly, only to return and take away their child to be brought up by his American wife. Meanwhile, Madam Butterfly has converted to Christianity because of her love for Pinkerton and as a result is shunned by her family and is all alone in the world apart from her faithful handmaiden. The result of this treacherous, bigamous and nefarious behaviour is inevitably the suicide of Madam Butterfly. Yep. It all ends in tears with the betrayed female lead tragically dead, which is quite common in opera, I believe. Any road up the libretto was in English, which was a bonus for us English-speaking opera novices. The story would seem to be an allegory for American imperialism, a big clue being that Pinkerton's Christian names are Benjamin Franklin and every time America is mentioned the theme for 'Stars and Stripes' is played by the orchestra.

Puccini's music is quite magnificent with some spiffing tunes plus an extended orchestral interlude between Acts 2 and 3, during which Butterfly stands motionless whilst waiting for Pinkerton. Being unfamiliar with the piece, I can't name the particular tunes but there is a recurring theme which belongs to Madam Butterfly which goes daah-dah-dah-dah-dah-dahdaaaah-dah-daaah that I liked. I guess I'll have to seek out a reasonably priced recording and get to know it better.

The performance itself was top-notch. My only complaint concerns the production. I guess the director figured 'Aha! The Albert Hall is round so we'll do it in-the-round!' Fair enough, but he was forgetting that although the theatre is round it was designed with the stage at one end so that everyone in the room would be able to see it. But with the stage in the middle of the hall and given the steep nature of the seating, part of the stage is obscured from part of the audience i.e. the people in the cheap seats in the upper circle. So we missed a fair bit of the action, which took place in the lower right quadrant of the round (see picture). So I'm deducting two points for that. I'm also deducting a point because the sound design could have been better and I wonder whether they could not have taken a chance and done without microphones altogether given that yer average opera singer can generally belt it out. Perhaps the acoustics of the hall would only allow that if the opera was staged conventionally. Smart venue though, with civilised toilets and helpful smiley staff.

Malt Whisky

Here's a handy thing that came to me in the post yesterday. A guide to the flavours of various brands of single malt whisky. Useful information to have if, like me, you don't have the budget to tour Scotland and experiment for yourself or, alternatively, to buy a bottle of each from your local hooch emporium and work your way through them whilst attempting to write notes.
The brand I have most recently consumed was Jura 10-year old. Light and delicate according to the chart, and I must say it went down a treat.

(From classic malts, where you can download a .pdf)
Click on the image to embigificate it.

Tribal leadership embroiled in ‘alternative goat’ electoral debate

(from Newsbiscuit)

‘It used to be so simple,’ said Ahmed, a returning officer. ‘The elders of a village would each put their best goat forward into a race, and the winning owner would lead the village and represent it at tribal level for the next five years. This first past the post system had its imperfections, but at least it produced a clear winner.’

Critics of the old system said it meant that owners of slower goats, while in a majority overall, never got a look in. While the single transferable goat system was rejected for being complex and incomprehensible, the alternative goat system was chosen because it was relatively simple and incomprehensible.

‘The way it works is each owner prepares a list of who they’d like to win if they don’t win themselves,’ said Amed. ‘We run the race and time each goat. If one doesn’t go faster than all the others put together I end up spending half the night working out the result, but basically if no one puts the best goat as second choice then one of the weaker goats will probably win.

‘As if that’s not bad enough, you then get the sheep-owning majority saying they are oppressed by a goat-owning minority. It’s ruminantocracy gone mad.’

Even with first past the post, the last contest left no clear winner at the tribal level, so the Gruff goat and Woolly goat parties had to form a coalition to keep out the Nanny goats. During the campaign the Woollies had offered reforms such as education for women, but given the chance to graze with the Gruffs they soon backtracked despite much bleating.

True Colours

Crawley Town play Manchester United in the FA Cup today (19 Feb kick off 17:15) and it is a time of deep inner conflict for the inhabitants of Crawley. Usually, they are mostly*  Manchester United supporters but on this occasion they have to pretend to be Crawley Town supporters, primarily so they can get tickets for the match, but also out of some kind of twisted  guilt-related feeling that perhaps they ought to at least try and identify with Crawley if only for a couple of hours.

Crawley is not a real place; it is a 'New Town' and exists principally as an adjunct to Gatwick airport and were it not for the residential presence of Stinky Pete and Fragrant Jeannine, there would be little or no reason to even mark it on the map. Simon Calder of The Independent explains that Crawley is an 'easy place to leave'.

Hitherto, the people of Crawley have either ignored the existence of their local football club or merely laughed at it. The club faced bankruptcy and closure only a year ago as a result of apparently being nothing more than a vehicle for the fraudulent business practices of its former owners. Typically, the club hadn't paid their taxes and underestimated the relentless character of the Taxman in pursuing the debt. It wasn't until March of last year that the High Court was convinced the club was in the clear. But now the club has a new sugar daddy who has provided funds for new players and has been able to persuade their manager to stay at the club. That's not to say Crawley Town play good football; the best you could say about them is that they show determination, but they are basically a bunch of cloggers.

Any road up, assuming Sir Alex doesn't pick a team of 14-year old trainees, it won't be long before the people of Crawley can revert to their usual loyalties and get back to supporting Manchester United. Having said that, I wouldn't mind at all if Manchester United were to be shown the door and took an early bath...

Note: Call it post-modern irony if you like but Crawley Town play in red and call themselves 'The Red Devils' - just like Manchester United (and several hundred other unoriginal plonkers).

* Inevitably, there will be a small contingent of fairweather Chelsea glory hunters

The Lovely Lady In The Big Farewell Sleep Lake

A favourite literary genre of mine is hard-boiled detective/crime fiction by writers such as Dashiel Hammet, James M Cain and Raymond Chandler. It emerged in America during The Great Depression and became transmogrified by the motion picture industry into the film noir genre in the 1940s and early 1950s, using black-and-white photography derived from the German expressionist school of cinematography (it says here). All low key, big shadows and under-lit. I don't know if there's a similar nomenclature that is applied to radio productions of this particular idiom but the BBC are currently undertaking dramatisations on Radio 4 of Raymond Chandler's novels. They've done The Big Sleep and the Lady in the Lake so far, and Farewell, My Lovely is scheduled for broadcast tomorrow (19 Feb). See the BBC iPlayer for details. Recommended!

"Neither of the two people in the room paid any attention to the way I came in, although only one of them was dead."

"He looked about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food cake."

"It was a blonde. A blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained-glass window."

"The girl gave him a look which ought to have stuck at least four inches out of his back."

" I needed a drink, I needed a lot of life insurance, I needed a vacation, I needed a home in the country. What I had was a coat, a hat and a gun. I put them on and went out of the room."

When Rock Music Were Rock Music

The recent death of Gary Moore got me thinking about Thin Lizzy. They were quite good for a while. Here they are in 1978, which was just about their peak. It all seemed to go wrong somehow, what with Phil Lynott and Gary Moore falling out, then making friends, and falling out, then Gary getting injured in a fight and so forth, and the drugs taking over. Oh Well.