Gove Gives Go-ahead for Fagin Free School

Following a successful application to the Department of Education, the Fagin Free School, will open in the London Borough of Walthamstow next September.

The school will be run by parents and guardians who have experienced tough benefit cuts, criminal convictions or generational education deprivation. They will be joined by two hard pressed charities, Barnardos and The Cat (burglars) Protection League.

Head teacher and former nonce, Alan Kincade, said ‘We will be offering children a broad based and balanced curriculum to reflect current times and the special needs of our community. Modules will include ‘Living without Benefits’ where pick-pocketing techniques and regular excursions into the West End will give boys and girls appropriate work experience. ‘Getting into Business’ will allow pupils to work towards Level 1 qualifications, with setting up prostitution networks and pimping-for-profit being key elements of the course.’

(From Newsbiscuit)

Michael Gove is Dangerous

There is an interesting article at the Guardian's blog for teachers, teacher network, in which the writer points out that in comparison with previous Secretaries of Stae for Education, Michael Gove is dangerous rather than merely inept.

"Gove is not like the other education ministers we have had in the past - inept, ill informed and interfering, but fundamentally well-meaning - he's a wrecker, he does not want to improve our education system, he wants to destroy it."

The writer is campaigning to get Education freed from political interference, and to restore a consensus which is driven by educational values. Gove's aim is ultimately to privatise education. Read it through and if you agree, there's a petition to sign etc.

Politics: New Words

The Coalition Government has been 'in power' for 21 months now and in that time we have learned some new words to describe what they are up to. Here's half a dozen:

• Mispledge - Anything Nick Clegg, Deputy Prime Minister, might have said prior to a minute ago.
• Undeforestationageness - The somewhat embarrassing state in which Caroline Spelman, Secretary of State for the Environment, Food and Rural Affairs, found herself having belatedly realised what a chump she was to propose selling off publicly owned forests and woodlands without first checking whether anyone else thought it was a good idea.
• Futtock - The shape of the imprint left in the sofa after Eric Pickles, Secretary of State for Communities and Local Government, has been sitting on it.
• Gove - A 'Big Idea' that some pranny or other (usually Michael Gove), mysteriously elevated beyond his level of competence, comes up with and to which everyone responds with disbelief, speechlessness and a frown before then setting out in some detail why it is a load of old cobblers and inviting the proposer to 'Shut up you twit'.
• Vacuosity - A statement of policy, spouted forth from David Cameron, in which he says that something or other is a problem and he is going to do something about it but he doesn't say what exactly that might be, nor does anything subsequently materialise.
• Dysastatistificated - The misleading use and manipulation of statistics in order to substantiate a prejudged position. Particularly popular with immigration Ministers, employment Ministers and other bigots.

Further contributions welcome.

Ahoy There!

When I heard that The World's Greatest Twit, Michael Gove, had proposed that the nation should give HM Queen a new royal yacht as a present for her golden jubilee, I thought at first that Gove had finally lost his marbles completely and would shortly be keel-hauled. But as the story has unfolded, we discover that it's not just Gove; there has been a lobbying campaign going on for several months. And now even David Cameron has come on board. Although Downing St has refuted any suggestions that it should be funded by the taxpayer there remains the notion floating around that it might be paid for by 'public subscription' or donations. (They probably mean the National Lottery Heritage Fund.)

You have to wonder what planet these people think they are on.

It is reported that Prince Charles and Princess Anne think it's a good idea. Well of course they do - free cruises for them and their families. But does El Queenie want a yacht for herself? She's 86, her old man is threatening to pop his clogs any moment and by the time the thing is built and operational both of them are likely to be totally decrepit if not feeding the fish in Davy Jones' Locker. But I suspect the idea is not to provide a like-for-like replacement for HM's old Royal Britannia, but merely to hijack the buzz around HM's Jubilee and apply it to an already existing project, and thus to raise funds - from wherever.

The scurvy knave behind the dastardly plan is Rear Admiral David Bawtree, the central figure promoting something called The University of the Oceans. The Big Idea dates back almost twenty years. Essentially, it is to build a sail training ship crewed variously by "about 2,000 (fee-paying) young people each year, from all walks of life, to enjoy the benefits of adventure training under sail whilst at the same time assisting with national and international events." The ship might also be used for research, and Admiral Bawtree figured ahaarr, why don't we bung in a couple of VIP suites and it can be a Royal Yacht as well! So the crafty devil enlisted the help of his local MP David Willetts who put the idea to the Cabinet, and Midshipman Gove has subsequently endorsed it. Whether or not Prince Charles, Princess Anne or HM Queenie quite realise they would be sloshing about in the aft quarters of a sailing ship crewed by apprentices, rather than relaxing in the luxury of a mini-ocean liner, is not clear.