Defeat of The Rest of The World

From our Chief Sports writer, Big Ron Cliche McCliche: 

The game got off to a brisk start with Haines playing as a lone striker up front, supported by a five-man midfield of Haines, Haines, Haines, Haines and Ray. But it became apparent that The Rest of The World were not to be sniffed at and they launched attack after attack stretching the central defensive set-up of Haines, Haines, Haines, Haines and A N Other. Before long the ROTW star striker Dusty Miller had penetrated the flat back five to shoot past Haines in goal, leaving Haines and Haines the two full backs stranded and forlorn. But led by their redoubtable captain, Haines, the Haineses reorganised and were soon back on level terms. Haines was tireless in midfield putting in a full shift and Haines at left back made typical forays down the wing, getting several challenging crosses into the box for Haines and Haines to test the ROTW goalkeeper - a safe pair of hands, and he kept his team in the game. But it was not until the fourth quarter that the Haineses pulled their master stroke by changing tactics, swapping Haines in goal with Haines in midfield. Haines got the winner with only minutes to spare.

Olympics Men's Football

A works outing for  members of Xorg Inter-Galactic t'other day, to the City of Coventry Stadium for group matches between Japan and Honduras, and Senegal and UAE.

Fearing congestion and protracted security arrangements, we set off early but in the event there were no problems and we found the whole shebang quite well organised overall. Plenty of staff were on hand. The volunteers, in magenta tabards, were very cheerful and eager to help although the contracted traffic chappies in yellow tabards were less so. The police were plentiful but kept their distance, and the contracted security staff were serious and uncompromising. The security is, of course, tiresome but I suppose we don't have much alternative given the potential for mayhem should some nutter get through.

There was a very good atmosphere in the stadium, arising from the crowd being composed of family groups as well as football fans. Plus the usual antagonistic inter-club rivalry that you get at football matches wasn't present. Japanese supporters were there in significant numbers, however, and made plenty of noise led by a couple of taiko drummers. About half a dozen Senegalese were there, and there were a few more Hondurans but I failed to identify anyone from the UAE. So the majority of the 28,692 crowd were Brits who had come to enjoy some football, and good play was cheered by whichever team performed it. General positivity abounds.

Senegal were the more entertaining team with players prepared to have a go; Japan were disciplined with only occasional flashes of skill; Honduras included a couple of clod-hoppers; and the UAE were keen with good skill on the ball but lacked oomph, losing confidence after conceding a goal. For the last 15 minutes of their match, Japan and Honduras played out a 0-0 draw that suited both teams which drew a few boos from the crowd. Otherwise, it was all decent football.

We have to deduct points from Coventry because the PA system before the match and during the interval was far too loud. Moreover, the choice of music was crap.

Euro 2012 Footy

The Premier League run in, the FA Cup Final, and the Champions League Final; it's all going to get a but frantic over the next month or so. There's two or three weeks off and then it will be the Euro 2012 Tournament.

UEFA have very kindly devised an interactive doodad setting out the Euro 2012 Fixtures. England are up against France on 11 June in Donetsk. You can't buy tickets at the moment, most having been sold already, but some tickets will become available 'in early May'. England v. France will cost you either 120, 70 or 30 euros plus booking fee, admin, secure delivery blah blah. The Final will be 600, 300 or 50 euros. The cheaper tickets are presumably intended for the local plebs who will no doubt be supplying the black market!

Lucky Di Matteo Parks The Bus

Older readers may recall what the erstwhile Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho said when complaining about Tottenham Hotspur's tactics after they successfully frustrated in a 2004/2005 Premier League match:

"they brought the bus and they left the bus in front of the goal"

Which is basically what Chelsea's approach to both legs of the Champion's League semi-final has been. Seven men in defence, with two midfielders and one striker helping out. Chelsea, however, have had all the luck, which their interim manage Roberto Di Matteo seems to have brought with him. They had three chances on goal over the two matches and scored on each of them whereas Barcelona had innumerable chances and scored only twice. Meanwhile, Barcelona failed to win - Messi tried to place his penalty above the keeper and below the bar and failed when enny fule kno it is easier to score by hitting the ball to the left or the right of the keeper. They persisted in playing delicate intricate football trying to pass the ball into the net, as anticipated by Di Matteo. They should have tried to surprise Chelsea by lobbing the ball over the top, or shooting quickly from distance. I have discussed the matter with Spyro and we are agreed that the Barcelona goal that was ruled offside was not. True football fans will recall Chelsea being awarded a goal against Spurs which did not cross the line, and which John Terry admits was not a goal. Lucky Matteo.

One bright spot to emerge though is that the aforementioned Arch-thug and Cheater General John Terry was caught at last, assaulting Sanchez from behind, and given a straight red card so he will miss the final, along with Meireles, Ramires and Ivanovic, thus making the task a bit easier for either Bayern Munich or Real Madrid.