Friday, 1 April 2011

April Piscis Piscis Forsit

The Xorg Collective awoke this morning to a disturbing crisis. Our goldfish was swimming upside down in the wrong direction...
Wilberforce, bless his little cotton socks, is generally a well-behaved goldfish and swims, as he should, in a clockwise direction round and round and round pausing intermittently to nibble at a weed or snaffle a flake of Old Mother Slapknicker's Gourmet Fish Food. He might, occasionally, stop to investigate the sunken treasure chest that lurks at the bottom of his tank but he has never, to our knowledge, disorientated himself as a result of these digressions. He seemed otherwise to be in fine fettle, greeting us with his usual good morning bloop bloop bloop and cheery wave of his fin. El Presidente feared the worst-case scenario and suggested that perhaps little Wilberforce had contracted aqua tergiversatio australis, a condition caused by gravity working in the opposite direction in the antipodes, but we know for sure that Wilberforce has not been in contact with any piscean ozzies. Perhaps there has been a blunder at the Old Mother Slapknicker's processing plant and the wrong variety of flake has been shipped to our local fish emporium and we have been feeding him the antipodean version. Although possible, it seems unlikely that Wilberforce was abducted by aliens last night, probed, and then returned to his tank the wrong way round; there is no evidence of collateral splash damage.
Any road up, we have embarked on a course of corrective therapy and installed signs in Wilberforce's tank pointing him in the right direction and have been making sure that his food can only be accessed if approached from the left. No sign of improvement yet but we remain optimistic.

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