The Shag

Here's a little ditty that should appeal to those among you who are ventilateurs of the terpsichoral arts and who have a penchant for the juvenile double-entendre. Not likely to feature on Strictly Come Dancing.

Funk Assessment #427: Maceo Parker

It's been a while, but let us consider what makes this funky. It's difficult, and possibly unfair, to highlight any particular instrument or player: They are all getting down with their bad selves somewhat extensively. However, the arrangement is generally speaking massively syncopated, the drummer adds a dimension of funkyness by playing sixteenths and the staccato horns hit the spot with effortless precision.

[Thanks Tom]

Michael Gove: What a Silly Arse!

Another half-baked policy of Cameron's half-baked government has collapsed. Michael Gove has had to admit that his EBacc policy was misbegotten. So he's dropped it and he has to eat his words and accept that may be the GCSE isn't as worthless as he said. Here's an extract from Hansard in which he admits to mucking things up:

Michael Gove:  In my time as Education Secretary I have made mistakes. Every Minister makes mistakes. When I made mistakes over Building Schools for the Future, I was happy to come to the House and acknowledge that I had made an error. Where I have made mistakes in other areas, I have been happy to acknowledge that I have made an error, and the very first thing I said today was that I embarked on one reform too far by seeking to move towards single exam boards. I am happy to acknowledge today that that was an error.

Nevertheless, he intends to press ahead with his other bonkers plans, rewriting the curriculum and forcing schools to become academies so that he can privatise education. It will all end in tears.

Something that bothers me in addition to these plans to wreck the state education system, however, is that although Gove has admitted to serious errors he is to continue in the job. Politicians are made to resign when they are caught screwing their secretaries but not when they are admittedly incompetent. This seems a tad perverse.

Xorg in Talks with United Federation of Panets

This report just in from our Lunchtime Correspondent, Edna Buckette

His Wonderfulness El Xorg, Founder, Chairman and Chief Executive of Xorg Inter-Galactic greets a delegation from the United Federation of Planets.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard and Ambassador Guinan were visiting to attend talks aimed at promoting better relations between the 29th Dimension and the corporeal world. “I know we can make this work,” said Captain Picard. “I have long been an admirer of Xorg and I have full confidence that his outreach mission will bear fruit.”

“You needn’t have dressed for dinner Jean-Lucy, baby. We’re only having sausages,” was Xorg’s immediate response although he refused to commit either way as to whether or not he could see his way clear to re-opening the trans-dimensional matrix.

“Dammit. If I’d worn my chinos, I bet you lot’d be all dolled up in yer gladrags. I knew it! Always the same!” muttered Picard. Ambassador Guinan made no comment beyond the sound of her eyebrows being raised.
The Federation has until now resisted formal ties with the 29th Dimension, fearing a rupture in the space-time continuum if they were to overlook the as yet unexplored intervening dimensions. Opponents of the process suspect Xorg’s true motives are to gain access to the Federation’s warp technology. Xorg’s search for a reliable chronosynclastic infundibulator has been well-documented and a warp emulator has been mooted.

Eric Clapton's Guitars Replicated

As part of Mr Clapton's continuing efforts to raise funds for his Crossroads Treatment Centre in Antigua, Mr Clapton has teamed up with Fender, Gibson and Martin guitars to replicate some of his guitars These are available to purchase through Guitar Centre from 21 March. They're not cheap though: the Stratocaster and the Les Paul are $14,999 each...

The Crossroads Festival is at Madison Square Gardens, on 12/13 April.

Here's a video of Himself trying out and talking about the Gibson Les Paul replica.

Duct Tape or WD40?

How do you fix a broken duct?

Well, duh! With duct tape!